My dreams, hopes, plans, and wild ideas were like friends of mine. I would spend hours thinking about them, praying over them, and preparing for the one day that they might arrive and stay a spell. I have always been a dreamer. I see bright colors in the most drab places and hope in all tomorrows. I stored my dreams like my library of books and collection of cozy blankets. They inspired me, they comforted me, and I tasted possibility every time I pondered them.
But, today everything changed. God asked me to give Him my dreams. My beautiful ideas of a glittering future, He wanted me to place in His hands.
My dreams were never solely mine, they were always His. Therefore, I should not be surprised by this prompting. I had been holding onto them as though they were eccentric measurements of how my life would be defined by success, or worse failure. This was never their purpose.
I pictured God slowly picking up a little pink box with my dreams stuffed inside as I sat on my couch crying my eyes out praying this prayer of surrender He pressed upon my heart. My words repeated, “Okay God, but please be gentle with my heart”. It hurts letting go of something you love and feel like you have worked so hard to walk towards. This bowing posture of complete surrender is still fresh within me as I share this with you, my spiritual cardiac muscles ache.
This is a place I have never been before, but just minutes into this new perspective, God is already confirming that this is what He wanted. I should be celebrating and I know I will be soon, because this is the fruit of my prayers. I have prayed all summer for deeper connection with Christ, more of Him and less of me.
This plunge is worth a moment of pain for the true freedom found in obedience. Please join me in this space of surrender. God wants you just as you are, right now. Nothing is too big for Him, their is nothing He is surprised by.
Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
for I give myself to you.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord;
I run to you to hide me.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God.
May your gracious Spirit lead me forward
on a firm footing.
For the glory of your name, O Lord, preserve my life.
Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress.
In your unfailing love, silence all my enemies
and destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.
-Psalm 144:8-12 NLT
I am still processing how to feel in this uncharted water of trust and complete dependence on Jesus. What seems scary now will be oh so refreshing in time. I do not have the answers of why today nor what happens next. However, I do know and trust that my dreams are stronger resting in the palms of Christ.