I love to write, I always have. I enjoy the noise of my fingers tapping the keyboard, seeing letters dance into an idea, and knowing that I genuinely gave away part of my heart for a page or two. Tears are swelling up in my eyes as I am writing today, because it feels like it has been forever since I have shared how God has been moving in my life. I have been busy writing plenty of analytical essays, research papers, etc. for the past two semesters. Yet, rarely have I sat down and discussed how my life has been touched through Christ.
Like an out of shape limb, part of me has been scared to openly try putting my thoughts on paper again. If you do not use your words, suddenly trying to find them has become incredibly difficult. I do not wish to be at a loss for words any longer nor feel guilty for taking the time to journal what I am experiencing. Jesus planted the joy of stories, literature, and words in my soul long ago. The last thing I want to do is let this seed die in dry soil. My prayer is for the Lord to replenish my desire and sprinkle inspiration into my life so that I am honor Him entirely.
This blog, this post, the fact that you are hearing from me is completely out of the blue. Call it a stirring or a spurring, but I am so disappointed in the fact that I am working towards a bachelor’s degree in English/Literature and have been lacking the drive to use the desire the Father has given me to not glorify His name.
A few months ago I made a post on Instagram about an encounter I had with the Lord during church. I shared that I felt God was calling me to trust in Him in a way that I had never before. This confrontation of the Holy Spirit was somewhat expected, since I had been wrestling with a great deal of anxiety at the time. Yet, when encounter did happen it was as if I felt Jesus rap His knuckles across the entrance to my heart. He had come to up to wake me up, call me out, and then offer me the most amazing peace. As stood in the worship center with my white blouse drenched with black mascara smears I did not say no to this gift. I felt God’s presence urging me to hand everything I wanted to hold onto over to Him. I will not lie, it was not easy letting go of what was binding me with fear, but it was entirely freeing. Second Corinthians 3:7 reads, “For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom”.
Maybe you can relate to how I am feeling right now? Out of touch, a teeny bit scared, and entirely uncertain of how God is planning to use you this year. Maybe for you it is not about unearthing an old passion, but something a bit bigger. It could be an addiction of some sort, a broken marriage, or health issues that are destroying your life. It could be the fear of failure, unsettling news about a friend, or maybe a shoulda coulda woulda regret that you cannot seem to let go. Every day we tell one another that we are okay, but who are we trying to deceive? Reassuring yourself is not the answer. Crying out to God is, listening for Him to knock on the door of your heart is, and allowing Him to free you from what you feel chained to is the answer. Romans 5:1 states, “…we have peace with God because of what Jesus our Lord has done for us.” He loves you, His child, so much.
So, here I am today I am stretching my trusting muscles and exercising what writing skills (or lack of) that I have. It is no accident that God pushed me to pop open my laptop and spill my thoughts this morning. It is no accident that it happens to be the third of January and He is urging me to try my hand at writing again. It is no accident that you are reading the words of twenty something girl who is just trying to honor her Father. By no means am I even close perfect, I do not mind boasting in the fact that I am real. As I am scouring what I have written within the past 30 minutes I am seeing how crazy unorganized with first post on my ever so new blog is, but in is that not what life is? Crazy, unorganized, but inspired by our Father, at least that is how I have experienced it. As this new year, glorious 2017, begins I hope you will stick with me as I attempt to put my heart out on paper again. Thanks for listening.